What to do When Your Husband says NO to Homeschooling or Anything Else

After writing an article a couple of weeks ago, Should I Public, Private, or Homeschool my Children, and What does the Bible Have to Say About it?, I had a HUGE reaction to the post.  I had a lot of moms feeling the conviction and the desire to homeschool, but they found themselves in situations where their husband may object.

I want to write this post for these women.  For those who have already determined that home educating their children is Biblical and holds a deep desire in their heart.

First of all, let me say this:  We are to honor our husbands.  He is to be the spiritual leader of the household.  He is to make these decisions, not us.  This does not matter if he is saved, actively attending church, etc.  Unless he is asking you to do something that is morally wrong, you need to honor his decisions.  He is responsible for determining your children's education and training your children at home.  He is responsible for whether you are a keeper at home or not.

If your husband is not making wise decisions for the family (financially, spiritually, etc), he will answer for those decisions.  YOU will answer for how you honor the Word of God.  First thing is first.  We have to understand what man's God-given roles are and what roles God has given to the women.  Do not skip over these Scriptures.  Read them, and let them soak in.

1 Corinthians 11:3

King James Version (KJV)

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:23

King James Version (KJV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Ephesians 5:28-29

King James Version (KJV)

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

1 Peter 3:7

King James Version (KJV)

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Okay, so we all understand that the husband is the head of the wife?  This does NOT mean that you are not as equally important, but God has given us specific roles in marriage to play.  It's the same concept as this:

1 Corinthians 12:14-22

King James Version (KJV)

14 For the body is not one member, but many.

15 If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?

16 And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?

17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?

18 But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.

19 And if they were all one member, where were the body?

20 But now are they many members, yet but one body.

21 And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.

22 Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:

Now this verse is speaking about spiritual gifts, but it certainly applies to how God views our roles within the family.  If both parents do the same duties, there are certainly some duties lacking.

Furthermore, a husband is supposed to provide for his household (necessities ladies...not a car, not a cell phone, and not getting your hair done every month).  Otherwise, he is worse than someone who is not even saved:

1 Timothy 5:8

King James Version (KJV)

8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Don't worry, I'm not going to leave out the famous verses that wives like to use AGAINST their husbands:

Ephesians 5:25-26

King James Version (KJV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

Wives are so quick to say things like, "If my husband were the Spiritual Leader he was called to be, I'd be a better wife to him."  I've been guilty of saying this myself.  Or maybe something like, "How can I follow a man who is not following God?  Wouldn't that mean I'm not following God?!"

Understand, this command is to husbands.  Wives are not to use it against their husbands when they are not being obedient to God's Word.  You cannot do ANYTHING about how your husband responds to God's Word.  All you can do is:

1 Peter 3:1

King James Version (KJV)

3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

 Even if our husbands need to be saved, this verse tells us we are to be in subjection to them.  Furthermore, we need to try to win them by our conversation.  There is an excellent online 6-part article about this very subject!  Click here to read "When a Wife Disagrees with her Husband- Part 1."

I'm not going to dwell on this too much, since the link above gives really great references to our duty in submitting to our husbands.    If you're not to the point to where you feel you can submit to your husband, stop reading and read the article now.  You can always come back and finish this post later.


Okay, so you realize the husband's roles, and you realize that you can't control whether he is obedient to God's Word or not and that he must work out his own salvation with fear and trembling.  You can only control you.  You can influence a situation, and that's it.  So let's look at the roles of wives, and then delve directly into what to do to help your husband see biblical principles when he may not be seeking them.

Colossians 3:18

King James Version (KJV)

18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1

King James Version (KJV)

3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

We are to submit to our husbands, regardless of  whether he is following God's Word or not.  Certainly we are not to commit a sin in order to honor our husbands.  However, how we even handle rejecting our husbands immoral requests should be handled with care.  If we are not careful with our "conversation" with our husband in all matters, it will be difficult to "win him."

If you are in this situation, I highly, highly recommend this book:  Created to Be His Help Meet.  Even if you don't have any major disagreements with your spouse, this book is very encouraging in how we should handle the little, day to day disagreements.  (WARNING:  This book will likely offend you greatly.  It did me at first, but keep reading.  You'll soon realize it's your own sin you have to deal with).  I read this book and after two days of implementing its biblical strategies, my husband commented on such a change in me (my husband NEVER does this).  He was so thankful, he decided to read Created to Need a Help Meet.  I wish we had found these books when we first married.  Your husband may or may not have the same response, but I guarantee you he will be thinking it!  I recommend Created to Be His Help Meet to ALL Christian Wives who are SERIOUS about following God's Word in the biblical roles of the wife!  This is not for the average woman sitting in a church pew.  This is only for women who want to steer the direction of their marriage toward God, without nagging or controlling.

Okay, now that I've given you some resources that dig a little deeper into the matter and that have encouraged me, on with this post.

What do you do, say, when your husband is against homeschooling your children?  Or maybe he wants you to work and you feel that these requests would go against Titus 2:

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Wow!  Certainly we don't want to be in danger of blaspheming the Word of God!!  I can understand why women are discouraged because their husbands are not taking heed to the Word of God!  Certainly, being a keeper at home and homeschooling (Deuteronomy 6, Proverbs 22) are derived from the Word of God.  However, by not homeschooling, or having you work outside the home (although a woman could work at home as long as it doesn't interfere with her duties as a mother and wife.  Just read Proverbs 31) you are not blaspheming the Word of God as Titus 2 puts it.  HE IS.

Understand that God loves your husband more than anything...even when He is not walking with Him.  God knows that the person who has the greatest opportunity for influence over him will be his wife.  That's you.  You will not win him over by nagging, or getting him to comply to keep the peace (shamefully: been there, done that).

In fact, you may not win him over by being the wife God has called you to be, but it's your best shot.  Furthermore, do you really want to spend the rest of your life nagging at your husband?  Your kids are watching their mother (even if it is for a worthy cause) put down her husband and nag at him.  Although it may seem you have a reason to complain, your children are learning to be miserable with you.  They are learning this is just how marriage is supposed to be.  When everything isn't perfect...just complain and nag until you get your way.

God told us to subject to our husbands, even when they are not following Him, for a reason.  He knows best.  We need to stick to the Word of God and stop listening to friends, family, and even preachers who tell us differently...no matter "how good of a Christian they are."  We cannot deny the Word of God.


In this post, we are using the example of wanting to homeschool while your husband disapproves.  The first thing you need to do is to show you support his decision.  Do NOT undermine him.  Don't encourage him or agree with him.  However, let him know you will honor the decisions he makes for the family because you believe he does want to do what is best for your family, and most likely, your husband does.  The real problem is not that he doesn't want what is best for your children.  The real problem is that he doesn't see homeschooling as a better option for your children.

There could be a million reasons why:

*  He could be worried they won't receive the socialization they need.
*  He could be worried that you can't educate the children as well as the educated professionals.
*  He likely could be concerned that you can't live off of one income.
*  Maybe He believes you can't afford the cost of curriculum and such.


You need to make sure you understand WHY he is against homeschooling.  You can show him all of the verses on homeschooling, all day long, but if he has a strong feeling against homeschooling, he will likely not listen.  Then you will feel he is nonspiritual and a darker line will be drawn between the two of you.

Your goal should be to have a genuine understanding of why your husband objects to homeschooling.  Don't judge him.  View his concerns as valid, even if you can't understand them, for they are obviously important to him.  Don't make him feel dumb for his viewpoint.  Just focus on getting an understanding of his objections.

Very, very few men are against homeschooling in and of themselves.  Most of them have only been around a few homeschooled children and are concerned their children will look and act as they.  They think, "I went to public school and turned out alright", so they don't want to take a risk on something that might scar their children versus something that worked out okay.  These concerns are valid and can be addressed, but must be done lovingly and with caution.

Next, you must address the situation with care.  If your husband is not walking daily with God, you can read him Bible verses until he is blue in the face.  All he will gather from your conversation is that you think he is wrong, he is not spiritual enough, and he doesn't know how to lead his family.

You have to find how to address this issue with your husband.  The easiest way to do so, is not with conversation alone, but by example.  This is where it can be difficult, but if you're on your knees seeking God in this matter, I do believe He will supply your desires to honor Him.

Maybe you know a homeschooling family where the dad loves to hunt, just like your husband.  With your husband's permission, maybe you could invite them over to dinner.  Do NOT invite them over to talk about homeschooling.  Do NOT make your husband feel like you're only inviting them over because they are a homeschooling family.  But IF your husband is on board with them coming over, invite them over.  Allow a friendship to grow.  Homeschooling will come up naturally because it is such a big part of their lives.  Your husband will begin to see that not everyone who home educates is socially awkward and that it doesn't mean you have to spend any money on curriculum.

That is one option, but it may be that you don't know another homeschooling family locally, and if you do, they may not be the example you want your husband to see!

So what do you do?  Well, depending upon your husband's objection, maybe you can begin to tutor your children at home.  Let your husband see that you are capable of teaching your children (without bringing up a word about homeschooling).

Maybe if you work and your husband is worried about one salary, you could cut back on some expenses.  Remember, his role is to provide for his household, and even though you may be helping, he doesn't want to feel responsible for his family not having the same as everyone else.  Typically, this concern is out of love, not selfishness.  Follow the link in this paragraph for some tips on how to cut back your expenses.  You have to show your husband that you're serious.  It may take some SERIOUS sacrifice on your part.  In fact, you may be the only one doing the sacrificing, but you ultimately have to determine how important is it for you to follow God's Word and teach your children at home.

Maybe your husband is one that holds a popular belief:  he's concerned your children won't receive enough social skills and could be really weird.  Homeschooling is still a relatively new concept in America.  Some of the early people who homeschooled were somewhat socially awkward.  They didn't have the opportunity to visit other families (for having one vehicle used to be the norm) TO socialize.  Certainly there were no homeschooling groups, extracurricular activities, or even youth groups.

I can't tell you how far you should take the social aspect of your children.  We like to shelter our children from many of the "social" activities.  We don't believe we'll have any trouble getting them socialized, but each family has to work that out amongst themselves.  However, you and your husband must determine the convictions for your family.  Even if you feel like you don't want to send your child to play "softball" for fear it may undo what you do at home, if socialization is that important to your husband, you may have to accept it and move on.  Would it not be better to allow your children to be involved in a few wordly activities that you at least would be welcome to attend rather than to send them away from your care all day long, everyday?

Within the realm of your convictions, maybe you could consider getting your children involved in social activities that have NOTHING to do with school.  That way, your husband can see they can still socialize with others without being connected to public school, whatsoever.

I can't list every single situation.  Every family is different.  I can only encourage you to get on your face before God and ask Him to change your heart.  Ask Him to take your bitterness away.  Don't focus on your husband's failures.  Focus on yours.  Are you your husband's help meet or are you his mom, constantly correcting him?

You should desire to please God and to honor His Word MORE than homeschooling.  After trying everything, if your husband still doesn't agree, let it go.  If he knows where you stand on the issue, but sees you honoring him, your marriage will be far better than you disagreeing with him all day long.

I hope others will share encouraging stories of how God is working in their marriages right now.  Not just in the area of homeschooling, but in the area of honoring their husband and all it entails.

Let us find joy in doing what God has called us to be, and when we become discontent with the decisions others are making, fall to our knees praying for them.